Hobbies for Mental Health
For a while now I have wanted to expand what I post on this blog so it's not just knitting or crochet. However, my hobbies have had a massive impact on my overall well-being so naturally the best way to expand is to explain why knitting and crochet have changed things for me.
I was first diagnosed with depression as a teenager and I have struggled with it ever since. It's only as I've got older that I've realised that it's not just low mood but it's grown several long legs into the realms of isolationism and anxiety fueled personality changes.
When I was younger and certainly into my 20's, I just wanted to be rid of the problem and masked it with medication. This just did not work. I was also in a bad relationship at the time and was ridiculed for needing medication to be 'normal.' My ex partner didn't realize that he was the main reason why I was feeling so bad and I ended up in a vicious circle.
Once I escaped from that horrendous relationship, I started to feel more like I could be myself - I felt free. Until I didn't. My body had other ideas and all it took was one minor inconvenience to set me back. I had a massive anxiety attack whilst I was at work, I was sitting on the floor of the ladies toilets struggling to breathe, my hands went numb and my heart was racing.
I never worked at that company properly again after that. I tried, my goodness I tried but I just couldn't handle the over-stimulation of the office.
The recovery period from that anxiety attack was long and drawn out but without the time to heal in my own way, I wouldn't be where I am now. I met my now husband during that time and I couldn't live without him now.
Fast forward a few more years and my overall health has declined and it was really weighing me down. It was during the Covid pandemic that I first started to knit. I must have watched hundreds of tutorials on how to cast on and off, garter stitch and every other beginner steps but I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I even sat in front of the TV with Youtube on and kicked everyone else out the room so I could see it in big detail. I cried, a lot. The frustration was awful. My husband suggested to 'pause the video, have a cigarette outside and make a hot drink.' Basically, I needed a break to compose myself. It seems so stupid getting so frustrated over knitting now but I wanted to be able to do this!
Somehow, it all clicked into place. Maybe that smoke and cup of tea chilled my mind out because even though my first attempt went wonky - I didn't care. I had done it!
The rectangle that I was knitting became a poncho for one of my daughter's dolls and she was happy as ever that mummy had made her doll some clothes.
Since then, I've learned that sometimes the end product of what you are making doesn't really matter. The rhythm of knitting or crochet can be relaxing in itself and I often find that my mind wanders to anything and everything.
I constantly ask myself these questions:
If I enjoy doing a hobby and it's not picture perfect at the end, does it really matter?
Have I enjoyed the whole process of making this item?
Is it something that absolutely anyone can do and I can't?
I've finally gotten in my head that it doesn't matter if it's not everyone's cup of tea because the chill time and process of making whatever I've made is worth far more to my mental health than anything else.
My hobbies include escapism, analytical thinking and processing situations in the background without judgement or other people's in put. I needed that escape from real life and I've never felt more comfortable doing my own thing.
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